I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
