So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
