i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize