Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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