if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
