This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
