I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
