there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
