We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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