Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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