you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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