This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
