I wish my penis had an off switch
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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