So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
