Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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