My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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