She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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