I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
