he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
