I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
