just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
