don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
