My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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