..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
