Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just pynch a tree in the face
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
