So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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