I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
