Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You have to summon your inner elephant
You may now shotgun with the bride
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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