I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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