obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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