They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
