just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
