The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
