just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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