I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
