told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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