there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
