The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
