someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
