Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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