I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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