Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
