dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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