then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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