dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
