I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
