I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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