I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
