Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
