foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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