I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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