I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
