sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
