she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
