Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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