I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
